Seriously. Getting married was a big mistake. It ended in divorce. As much as the ex and I said “it wasn’t a mistake,” truthfully it was. I’m an East Coast liberal, he’s of the Midwestern accept the way things are mentality. I’m career-minded, he’s…not. I’m a bit pretentious, and he’s more stubborn than my entire Irish-American family. So yeah, it was a mistake.
I’ve been discussing this recently with a friend. She passed along this excellent article about the pressure to get married. I highly recommend it, especially if you feel like you’re the only one out there not hearing wedding bells at this exact moment.
Yes, I do realize I’m almost 28 and dating a 29 year old. I do know that my boyfriend is awfully close to 30. However, why isn’t it enough for other people to understand we’re happy, especially since we do have long-term goals which involve marriage, family, etc.? I feel like my life is crawling with people who advise “he’s a homeowner and he’s employed–snatch him up!” It’s not like I’m going to lose him if I don’t pressure him into marriage.
My boyfriend just took a new step in his career. He is making decisions with me in consideration. I also have some upcoming career changes as I eventually want to freelance full time. We are both busy–we work a lot, but make time for each other–and even if being engaged in the near future is in fact feasible, planning a wedding is not. Talk to me when I’m driving a reliable car and have my Masters degree, and I’ll think about it.
The thing is, I wouldn’t mind being engaged right now, but I’m not about to rush into things or cause any pressure to build on myself and others. I can commit to people and things, including a car payment, my education, pets, my time consuming career, and my education. However, things need to settle down eventually; in fact, I’m looking forward to it.
What’s the difference between ‘now’ me and ‘before I got married and divorced’ me? I’m not afraid of having a strategy, because I’m sharing my life with someone who likes to plan ahead as well. Yeah, he might not be the best at picking up laundry, but he’s got the important stuff down.
Let the strategizing begin!